ABC's of Awkward

The Uhh… ABZ-I Mean ABC’s Of Being Awkward

Answer or respond to a different question than what they were actually asking. (ex.: “How are you today?” “Yes.”)

Bad jokes that don’t make sense. Your audience will either stand there silently, nervously laugh while trying to figure out what the joke was, or beat you up.

Change the subject randomly, but try not to give the idea that you are really running out of ideas/things to say. (ex.: “And that’s my personal opinion on our government’s tax law.” “Cool… So... Do you like spongebob?”)

Direct your attention to the snack table, that’s where it’s more reasonable to not say anything because you face is stuffed with pretzels.

End things abruptly (ex.: “Well I had a great time with you today.” “Bye.”)

Find the one person in the room you will silently stand by for the rest of the night. Only say hi and maybe ask for their name.

Give short answers

Have an entire conversation planned out in your head, but when the other person says something not apart of your plan, everything falls apart

Introduce yourself to people. Then before they initiate a conversation, walk away.

Joke about topics you know nothing about.

Keep on talking after you accidentally insult someone and continually make it worse, then get confused when they start to cry.

Laugh at jokes from conversations you are eavesdropping on

Mumble

Nod your head whenever it is silent during a conversation

Open the door to the bathroom when someone is in there. At this point you can either hastily apologize and shut the door, or you can proceed to walk into the bathroom and wash your hands.

Pessimistic attitude (ex.: “Are you enjoying the party?” “I hate everyone here.”)

Quit talking to someone randomly and still continue to stand there

Respond to questions that were not for you

Stutter

Think that someone was saying hi to someone behind you, until you finally realize an hour later they were talking to you and say you hi back.

Umm...

Vacate the area once everyone else has left and the party’s over. Or just sleep there. The owner may pity your pathetic soul.

Wait two seconds before responding to everything someone says.

X marks the spot, right there in the corner. Just for you. This is your home.

Your phone is out of battery at every event, so you can’t even try to look at least casually alone. Just stand there.

Zebras are pretty cool (back to letter C)